Council applauds circular economy. Locals demand receipts.

A new pop-up market held in the Port Macquarie town square this weekend attracted hundreds of visitors eager to browse what organisers described as “pre-loved essentials” and what locals are now describing as “absolutely my stuff”.

The market, a joint venture between the Community Centre Lost Property Cupboard, the Regional Tip Shop, and several overly enthusiastic garage sale veterans, featured a remarkable number of items with names still written on them.

“I’m thrilled,” said organiser Tina Mullock. “It’s all about sustainability. Just because something was abandoned in a surf club changing room in 2019 doesn’t mean it doesn’t have life left in it.”

However, controversy struck when Dean J., 47, spotted what he believes to be his original Xbox, lost in a move six years ago.

“It’s got my initials scratched on the bottom and smells faintly of Doritos. That’s basically a fingerprint,” he claimed.

Stallholders have been instructed not to “acknowledge any emotional attachment from passersby” and to direct claims of ownership to a chalkboard sign reading ‘If It Was Yours, It’s $5 Less’.

Among the more sentimental discoveries:

A framed graduation photo with the caption “To Mum – we did it!”

A children’s lunchbox still containing a fossilised Tiny Teddy

An urn labelled “Phil – 1954–2018 (Not For Sale)”

A spokesperson from Council said,

“We support any initiative that keeps items out of landfill and emotions out of retail disputes.”

The next pop-up is planned for early spring. Locals are advised to hide their valuables in case the “collection team” expands its radius.

✉️ Letters to the Editor

Brendan Klutts - 🧢 Victim of the Rogue Dolphin

'Look, I get it. People love markets. They love the smell of Danish Pancakes, the price of second-hand denim...

But when I walked past that pop-up and saw my exact set of golf clubsI nearly dropped my Samosa Chat.

How they ended up there, I don’t know. Possibly related to the break-in? Possibly a message from the dolphin community? I’m not pointing fingers. But it feels targeted.

This town needs boundaries. I shouldn’t have to buy back my own trauma.

Please consider market signage warning people when items might include “emotional landmines.”

Sincerely,
Brendan Klutts
Still Not Over It'

Willow B.
🧘‍♀️ Founder of the Dolphin Whisperers

'Brendan Needs to Cleanse His Moonpool Markets are portals. Places of energetic recycling and deep karmic churn. If your bicycle, saucepan, or childhood teddy ends up for sale, ask not who put it there—ask why.

Brendan Klutts, whom I have tried to assist numerous times with aquatic forgiveness rituals, seems not yet ready to release the dolphin wound from his body-vessel. And that’s okay. Not all journeys are quick. Some require whale song.

The Dolphin Whisperers offer forgiveness chanting every second Tuesday down at Shelley’s. Bring a thermos and a towel. No plastics.
Blessings upon your sandalwood path,'

Willow B.
Cosmic Facilitator of Market Transmutation
Lake Cathie & Beyond

Neville T, Lighthouse Beach

‘I’ll have you know I identified my weed whacker by the very specific dent I put in it with my shin in 2004. This isn’t a market – it’s a hostage negotiation.’

Marjorie B, Community Garden Treasurer

‘While I’m thrilled my crocheted grocery bag has returned to me, I resent paying $12 for it, especially when it still had my original 1988 Woolworths docket in the side pocket.’

Unclaimed Item (Unnamed)

‘If no one collects me by Thursday, I would like to be adopted by the woman with the kind eyes and the Tupperware obsession.’