1. What We Collect (and Why)

When you interact with our site, we may collect:

Your name and email address (if you subscribe or fill out a form)

Your IP address and browser info (to help us improve the site and ward off bots)

Any message or story tip you submit through our forms (including confessions, gossip, or outrage)

We use this data to:

Send you emails you actually signed up for

Respond to your questions or business enquiries

Improve the site and keep it running smoothly

Occasionally giggle at funny comments (anonymously, we promise)

2. How We Store Your Info

Your info is stored securely using reputable services with encryption, firewalls, and a general disdain for hackers. Only our small team (and possibly our office cat, Toast) can access it — and only for legit reasons.

We don’t sell your data. Not to marketers. Not to spammers. Not even to people who claim to be “AI visionaries.”

3. Third-Party Services

We may use trusted third-party tools like:

Google Analytics – to see what parts of the site are actually working

Email services – to send you newsletters, updates, and memes disguised as satire

Form platforms – to collect your scandalous submissions safely

These services are bound by their own privacy policies. We recommend reading them if you're the careful type.

4. Cookies (Not the Edible Kind)

Like most websites, we use cookies to make things work better. These tiny text files help us remember who you are and where you clicked. You can disable cookies in your browser settings, but some features might act a bit wonky if you do.

We do not currently accept Tim Tams in exchange for data, but we’re open to negotiations.

5. Your Rights

You have the right to:

Access your personal information

Correct or update any data we hold about you

Unsubscribe from emails at any time (every email has a clear link for this)

Ask us to delete your data (unless it’s currently involved in a joke we're really proud of — in which case we’ll talk)

To do any of the above, just contact us at [your email address here].

6. Changes to This Policy

We might update this policy from time to time, especially if we start doing anything interesting with AI or get sued (hopefully not). If we make major changes, we’ll let you know by shouting about it on the homepage or emailing you directly.

7. Contact

Questions? Concerns? Toast-related fan mail?
Email us below. We’ll get back to you faster than you can say "defamation lawsuit."